Learning to Live Between IVF Cycles

If you've been following my journey, you probably remember that my last blog post ended during the dreaded two-week wait. Unfortunately, this transfer didn't end the way I had hoped. Another pregnancy test came back negative, another cycle was over, and once again I found myself wondering, "Okay... what now?"

The funny thing about IVF is that it rarely gives you time to process anything. Before you've even had a chance to grieve one cycle, you're already thinking about the next protocol, the next appointment, the next transfer. It's almost like your brain immediately switches into problem-solving mode. What can I change? What should I ask my doctor? Should I try another supplement? Should I be eating differently? Sleeping differently? Exercising differently? The list never ends.

This time, though, I didn't want to jump straight into another cycle.

I was tired.

Not physically tired from injections or medications, but mentally tired from letting IVF quietly take over every part of my life. For the last few years, almost every decision somehow revolved around treatment. Work trips had to fit around monitoring appointments. Vacations depended on transfer dates. Even meeting friends for dinner sometimes felt complicated because I never quite knew what cycle day I would be on or whether I'd be starting another medication. Looking back, I realized I wasn't really planning my life anymore. I was planning around IVF.

Seriously, infertility can become a full-time job if you let it.

During my last break, I talked about enjoying the little things again. A glass of wine. Staying up too late watching TV. Dessert without feeling guilty. Prost! Those small moments reminded me that taking a step back isn't giving up. Sometimes it's exactly what you need to keep going.

This time, I decided to make that break a little bigger.

I booked a trip to Panama and Costa Rica.

No medications packed in a cooler.

No fertility clinic nearby "just in case."

No constantly checking my calendar.

Just me, a suitcase, and a much-needed reminder that there is still a whole world outside fertility clinics.

Rediscovering Adventure

My first stop was Panama City, and I honestly fell in love with the energy of the place. It was busy, colorful, full of life, and exactly the change of scenery I didn't know I needed. One of my favorite afternoons was spent at the famous fish market. Fresh ceviche, incredible seafood, live music, and probably some of the best cocktails I've ever had.

What struck me the most wasn't even the food—it was how different my mindset had become. For the first time in a long time, I wasn't worried about eating raw fish or wondering if one meal could somehow affect my chances of getting pregnant. I wasn't analyzing every bite, checking ingredients, or asking myself if I should avoid this or that because of IVF. I was simply enjoying lunch, sipping my cocktail, watching people laugh and chat around me, and being completely present in the moment.

It might sound like such a small thing, but after years of infertility, it felt like freedom. IVF has a way of making you second-guess everything you do, eat, or drink. Suddenly, every decision feels like it could be the one thing that makes or breaks your next cycle. Sitting there at the fish market, I realized I had stopped thinking like an IVF patient for a little while. I wasn't worrying about hormones, embryo transfers, or treatment timelines. I was simply another traveler enjoying a beautiful afternoon in Panama, and honestly, I had missed that version of myself.

Walking through the city, I kept thinking about another German expression "Es kommt, wie es kommt." It simply means, "It is what it is." Not in a hopeless way, but as a reminder that some things are simply outside of our control. After years of IVF, I've learned that some parts of this journey require planning, while others require acceptance.

Slowing Down in Costa Rica

After Panama, I continued to Costa Rica, where I stayed at The Retreat Costa Rica. The experience couldn't have been more different, and that was exactly the point.

Panama reminded me how much I love adventure.

Costa Rica reminded me how much I needed peace.

My days became wonderfully simple. Morning yoga, fresh breakfasts made with local ingredients, afternoons by the pool reading books, and incredible farm-to-table dinners every evening. There was no rushing anywhere, no schedule to follow, and no pressure to be productive.

My favorite part of every day, though, was the evening.

I'd pour myself a glass of wine, walk out onto my balcony, and just sit there looking over the mountains while the clouds slowly rolled across the valley. Sometimes I'd read a few pages of my book. Sometimes I'd just sit there doing absolutely nothing.

No phone. No emails. No fertility podcasts. No Reddit. Just silence.

It sounds so simple, but I had almost forgotten what it felt like to sit still without trying to solve a problem.

Taking Care of Yourself Is Part of the Journey

I came home feeling lighter, more present, and emotionally ready to start another frozen embryo transfer. Somewhere between the fish market in Panama, the jungle tours, and those quiet evenings overlooking the mountains in Costa Rica, I finally allowed myself to die Seele baumeln zu lassen—to simply slow down, breathe, and let my mind rest for a while. I didn't realize how much I needed that until I came home.

Sometimes that's exactly what we need before stepping into another cycle. Not because it changes the outcome, but because it changes how we show up for the journey.

If you're interested in learning more about the emotional side of infertility, I found these resources incredibly helpful:

• National Institutes of Health – Psychological Problems Related to Infertilityhttps://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9661871/

• American Psychiatric Association – Infertility: The Impact of Stress and Mental Healthhttps://www.psychiatry.org/news-room/apa-blogs/infertility-the-impact-of-stress-and-mental-health

With love,

Alexandra 💗